The musings of Kelsey. Be excited.

Posts tagged drama

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Just Not Feeling the Love

Anonymous asked: Hello! There seems to be a certain guy that I just can’t get over. He and I never actually dated, but I didn’t do a great job of guarding my heart. I have tried several times to distance myself from him, but every single time I finally feel like I’ve moved past it, he makes his way back into my life again. This has been going on for around 3 years now and I’m tired of placing my self-worth in whether or not he acknowledges me. I know that I deserve better than someone who uses my feelings for him to his advantage, but it’s so hard to move on because I’m not even certain that there will ever be anyone else who wants me. Can you give me some advice on how to start truly believing that I am a daughter of the King of Kings and, therefore, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that, but I’m having the hardest time believing it. Thank you in advance.

Kelsey-isms answered: Okay, can I start by saying that OF COURSE THERE WILL BE OTHERS THAT WANT YOU! Who wouldn’t want a smart, beautiful, talented, amazing daughter of God? There are about 7 billion people on earth and I promise you, out of the male half, there are plenty of fabulous guys who want a girl who loves Jesus. So, whoever this guy of yours is, it is his loss if he doesn’t recognize your worth, dear, and not yours.

But I think you know all of this already, but you are asking me specifically how you can feel this and therefore believe it more. The honest answer, unfortunately, is that I cannot tell you anything that will make you feel the love of God. Sometimes, we just don’t “feel” it. Love is so much more than feelings, though. Love is so dynamic and deep that it goes beyond the surface of our emotions. Sometimes we feel the love of God like a raging, burning fire, and sometimes we just see it as a vast, deep ocean.

See, we can experience God’s love in so many different ways that often when we aren’t experiencing it in that fiery, passionate way that we usually associate with love we tend to think that we are not experiencing it at all. This is not true.The important thing for you to do is to know and remind yourself in those moments when you are not “feeling” His love that is it always, always there. Sometimes, we just have to know our worth and remind ourselves of it constantly. This takes a lot of help from God, ministers, and good friends, so make sure that you seek them out in this process (You can always ask me too. I would love to listen, hun).

There are so many good guys out there, even though it may seem hard to find them sometimes. Trust me…a good thing is worth waiting for though. Would you rather wait for a five star restaurant? Or go through the MacDonald’s drive through instantly? And maybe this guy of yours isn’t a MacDonald’s, but he isn’t sounding quite like a five star joint at the moment either. It sounds like he isn’t mature enough for such an awesome woman of God yet. The same goes for any guy who doesn’t recognize just how special you are. Whether you feel it or not, you are worth nothing less than the very blood of God Himself and that makes you the most priceless treasure in all of creation. And any guy who doesn’t realize this and treat you like a precious treasure is one who isn’t worth a minute of your time.

Filed under Christianity Christ God love hope encouragement drama guy troubles help advice dating self-image self-worth insecurity

11 notes

Facebook Drama and Friendship Problems

becausehelovedmefirst asked: Hi Kelsey :) I just needed some advice and I was wondering if you can help me. It’s about a friend of mine. He’s a “Christian” too, but lately I’m not even sure anymore because his actions say differently. He keeps on posting shirtless pictures of himself. I thought he was different, you know? I mean, he used to be my best guy friend. Now we don’t even talk anymore. I guess it was wrong of me to do this, but it started when I commented on his picture and this is exactly all that I said: “What the heck are you doin” From there it just went to an argument through text. Part of me feels like I was probably just overreacting, but I know that there was some truth to what I said, you know? And yeah, I guess I could’ve approached him in a better way. But in all honesty, I just wanted to look out for him too. I’ve been quite upset about it for some time now because I feel like I lost a friend. He’s changed, I think. I don’t know how to tell him. But I know what I’m talking about ‘cause I can tell the difference. He cusses now, he’s quite prideful, and he hates it when people point out when he’s doing something wrong. Now I don’t know what to do. Do you think I was wrong to feel that way? Is it possible for me to still be friends with him, or do you think I’m better off without it? What should I do? [This post has been edited for length]

Kelsey-isms answered: Hey love… My, this is messy, isn’t it? Of course, any relationship with another human being is going to be pretty messy. Let’s see what we can do here.

Firstly, I firmly believe that facebook is the root of all evil. So much drama comes out of it, doesn’t it? And because it is the internet, we can often misinterpret things on facebook or post things without really thinking, “The whole world can see this nonsense…” So maybe you did overreact a little to this picture (Though, I agree with you, it is a bit of a cheap shot), and he overreacted a bit to your reaction, but I don’t think the picture is the real issue here and I don’t think that you think it is either.

You’re concerned that your good friend is changing, and he is changing so much he is allowing little things like a picture and cussing get in the way of that friendship. Because you don’t approve of these things, he thinks that YOU’VE changed and become this “judgmental” kind of person. And, let’s not rule out the possibility that you have changed as well. Change is not necessarily a bad thing, although we usually associate it with the negative, and you should be changing and growing in Christ daily so it is quite possible that you have grown. Your friend may not be changing in the same way that you are, so there is a disconnect there for both of you. He sees it as “she’s different,” and you see it as “he’s different,” and you may very well both be right.

So people are always subject to change, but here’s the cool part: God is not. Your friend sounds like he is having a bit of a confusing time and that he is trying to find his identity and it is absolutely NOT your responsibility to help him find it. That’s between him and the Big Man upstairs, sister. However, you can be a constant in his life and help to point him in the right direction. Be a living example of God’s consistency and God’s love despite the circumstances. (Just as a side note, loving and accepting a person for who they are is NOT the same as accepting their actions.)

Tell him that you miss the friendship and the way things used to be, and you hate these silly arguments you have been getting into. Tell him that you still love and care about him and you don’t care if he is different or if you’re different, you’re going to be there for him whenever he needs it because you love him. Maybe he is looking for that kind of friendship in his life right now. I am willing to bet he has felt just as confused about this situation as you have been.

Once you’ve established that “friendly” ground again, continue to build on it. Then, with some time and patience, maybe you can both see WHY you have changed and begin to understand one another. I don’t want you to throw such a precious friendship away. If being his friend begins to hinder your relationship with God, then that may be a different story. THEN you might want to say, “Hey, I love you, but I just need to take a step back from this for a while. You can still call me any time you need a friend.”

And I’ll continue to pray for you, hun.

Filed under Christianity Christ God friendships relationships advice drama love hope encouragement