Posts tagged dating
Posts tagged dating
Anonymous asked: I have been in and out of a really bad relationship for the past year or so, and I recently told my ex that we shouldn’t talk anymore… and I really just need someone to tell me that it is a good decision and everything is going to be okay. Because honestly, I miss him. I know he wasn’t good for me, but he was a big part of my life and I feel like I am not going to get any better. I messed up a lot already with him, so I don’t feel like I’m good enough to have one of those good Christian relationships that people talk about. Can you help me? [Edited for length]
Kelseyisms answered: Hey love. Wow, with you being such a strong, beautiful, and honest girl I hardly believe you when you say this guy is the best you can get… So let’s look at the real problem here:
You have lost a lot of confidence after you’ve lost this relationship—you’ve kind of lost your identity. You are afraid that you won’t have one of those “good Christian relationships” because of your past, and you feel unworthy. The truth is that your choices do not define you, but Christ defines you, and He deems you worthy. You are worth nothing less than every drop of the blood of God Himself, and that makes you priceless.
You see, you’re a princess, not because you have any Prince Charming, but because you are a daughter of the King of Kings. And this King traded in His throne for beggar’s robes and a crown of thorns—all for His beautiful daughter. Any guy who doesn’t see this is a guy who isn’t worth your time, dear. A true Christian man will know your worth and will not discard you because of a wrong turn here or there. He will not “judge” you or think that you don’t “deserve” him. He’ll just see you and treat you for who you are: Royalty.
So know your worth, and tell yourself right now that you can do better. Turn from that junk in your past and from those guys who are less than good because you deserve better and you know it. Wait for the Prince who has asked your Daddy for your hand and settle for nothing less. And most importantly, put your identity in Christ again, not some boy or some situation. When you have your value placed in Him, you can simply look at His cross whenever you begin to doubt your worth again.
Anonymous asked: My ex and I have been on and off a couple times. He is very religious and we last broke up because there were too many differences with us and because he is not allowed to date (his parents won’t allow him until he graduates) so he wants to honor their wishes. We last broke up 4 months ago and recently started talking again. I thought I was ok with being friends again until he started flirting with me and sending the signals that he still likes me. I approached him and asked why he was doing this. He explained that he is normally a flirty guy. I thought that he still loved me… we ended up sleeping together and ever since then I’ve been in an emotional wreck. The past four months that I spent trying to get over him feels like it all went to waste. I asked him after we slept together if he still wanted to be with me/still loved me, but he told me that he does not know if he loves me and that I should move on because he can’t think of being with anyone right now. I feel like he doesnt love me because if a guy truly loves you, he would know for sure wouldnt he? I feel really lost. I’m trying so hard to piece this together with God.. trying to put faith in him and not be worried about this but my mind only thinks about this guy. [Edited for Length]
Kelseyisms answered: So you are wondering whether or not you should move on, and I get that. That can be hard to know! Love is a funny thing and it is a complicated thing, so sometimes it can be a bit confusing. So, even though my BS meter is ticking here, I can maybe buy the argument that “He isn’t sure if he loves you or not.” So let’s look at what love is NOT and then we look at the evidence here and see where this guy fits in.
Love is NOT leading girls on and flirting with them, especially if you have no intentions of being with anyone.
Love is NOT demanding in any way—physically or emotionally. Those things are given freely in love, but not asked for.
Love is NOT self-serving. Love is completely and totally unselfish. It always puts the feelings of the Beloved above its own desires.
And while I don’t know this man, I would say that he has done all of these things… He has led you on with no intention of a relationship, he has taken from you both emotionally and physically, and he has acted rather selfishly and disregarded your feelings and his own actions as he played with your emotions. So all in all, hun, I’d say that his advice for you to move on is probably the best thing that he has said yet.
You are a precious creation and a daughter of the King of Kings. That makes you Royalty, love! You’re a princess. And any guy who doesn’t treat you as such is not one deserving of your love. Yes, getting over someone takes a lot of time, so it is natural that you’ll think of him for a while. However, you already know the solution here. You said it yourself. You’re putting your faith in God.
If you cling to Him and fill your life more with His love rather than the love of this boy or any other, I promise each day will get easier. It will hurt less daily and He will heal the scars on your heart. It is a process, for sure, and during this process, it is best if you keep this boy out of the picture. He can only confuse and hurt you at this point… He hasn’t been loving you at all like a godly man should, even if he claims to be “religious”. That’s the funny thing about godly love… It has little to do with “religion” and everything to do with a life dedicated to Christ.
And until God is your number one priority, it is probably best to maintain this distance with him and maybe take a break from guys in general. Ladies, don’t rush the whole relationship thing. Being single can be pretty dang awesome. Enjoy it! Once you’ve got God as your number one, He’ll show you a guy so great you’ll wonder why you ever wanted anyone else. But until that moment, just lean on Him and let Him take the place in your heart where this man or any man has been.
Oh… And want to know the best part? You’ll never have to wonder whether or not God loves you. He is all for you. He would, very literally, go to the grave for you… and you’re not going to find a love like that anywhere else.
Anonymous asked: Been a few months since my ex and I broke up. Long story short I feel the same way as that girl in that post you responded to with Unka Glen. Not only is that an issue.. but I’ve been having these nightmares that involve him and I don’t know if it’s maybe a sign from God? This has never really happened before and it’s really been affecting my life lately. What should I do? I’ve prayed about this for months now and I can only find peace in my heart for a short time until this reoccurs
Unkaglen answered: As far as the dreams go, there are a couple of possibilities here:
Possibility #1: It means nothing at all, and it’s just you having a weird moment because you had too much spicy food last night. As Scrooge says to Marley’s ghost in A Christmas Carol: “You may be an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato. There’s more of gravy than of grave about you, whatever you are!”
Possibility #2: Your brain is wrestling with unresolved emotions and issues and struggles that you’re having.
Possibility #3: God is trying to tell you something (there’s certainly Biblical precedent for that).
My money would be on #2, and this comes down to something that you just can’t seem to let go of. How do we let go of something that once meant so much to us?
Kelseyisms answered: I totally agree with Unkaglen here. And for those who need a peek at the last post, you can find it here.
Obviously what you’re struggling to let go of is this relationship, here. I would really encourage you to evaluate why it is so hard to let go as well. That sounds rather obvious, but we actually tend to skip this step in the letting go process. Is it hard because he was your best friend? First love? You were together a long time? You still have feelings for him? etc.etc. Once we know what the problem is and where it hurts, then we can really address it. If you and this guy are still friends, there is nothing wrong at all with taking a little break from being friends. Step back and allow yourself some time to heal before trying to continue with this.
But at the same time, don’t try to do this all by yourself. Talk it out with friends or an adult you really look up to. As I said in the last post, grab some girl friends and grab some ice cream. No seriously. You’d be surprised just how much it helps.
Remember, love, God wants to fill your heart’s greatest desires. Maybe this guy is taking His place right now. Fix your heart and mind totally on Him and depend on Him alone (Not this dude or any dude for that matter) and He will give you peace and rest beyond all imagination.
Anonymous asked: So, its been 5 months since my boyfriend and I broke up. I’ve tried everything to reconcile with him, as friends, and yeah, we’re friends. I’ve been more than willing to forgive him for the pain he’s caused me, and I’m open for anything he has to say. The thing is, it seems…
Whether you feel it or not, you are worth nothing less than the very blood of God Himself and that makes you the most priceless treasure in all of creation. And any guy who doesn’t realize this and treat you like a precious treasure is one who isn’t worth a minute of your time.
From “Just Not Feeling the Love”
Anonymous asked: Hello! There seems to be a certain guy that I just can’t get over. He and I never actually dated, but I didn’t do a great job of guarding my heart. I have tried several times to distance myself from him, but every single time I finally feel like I’ve moved past it, he makes his way back into my life again. This has been going on for around 3 years now and I’m tired of placing my self-worth in whether or not he acknowledges me. I know that I deserve better than someone who uses my feelings for him to his advantage, but it’s so hard to move on because I’m not even certain that there will ever be anyone else who wants me. Can you give me some advice on how to start truly believing that I am a daughter of the King of Kings and, therefore, I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that, but I’m having the hardest time believing it. Thank you in advance.
Kelsey-isms answered: Okay, can I start by saying that OF COURSE THERE WILL BE OTHERS THAT WANT YOU! Who wouldn’t want a smart, beautiful, talented, amazing daughter of God? There are about 7 billion people on earth and I promise you, out of the male half, there are plenty of fabulous guys who want a girl who loves Jesus. So, whoever this guy of yours is, it is his loss if he doesn’t recognize your worth, dear, and not yours.
But I think you know all of this already, but you are asking me specifically how you can feel this and therefore believe it more. The honest answer, unfortunately, is that I cannot tell you anything that will make you feel the love of God. Sometimes, we just don’t “feel” it. Love is so much more than feelings, though. Love is so dynamic and deep that it goes beyond the surface of our emotions. Sometimes we feel the love of God like a raging, burning fire, and sometimes we just see it as a vast, deep ocean.
See, we can experience God’s love in so many different ways that often when we aren’t experiencing it in that fiery, passionate way that we usually associate with love we tend to think that we are not experiencing it at all. This is not true.The important thing for you to do is to know and remind yourself in those moments when you are not “feeling” His love that is it always, always there. Sometimes, we just have to know our worth and remind ourselves of it constantly. This takes a lot of help from God, ministers, and good friends, so make sure that you seek them out in this process (You can always ask me too. I would love to listen, hun).
There are so many good guys out there, even though it may seem hard to find them sometimes. Trust me…a good thing is worth waiting for though. Would you rather wait for a five star restaurant? Or go through the MacDonald’s drive through instantly? And maybe this guy of yours isn’t a MacDonald’s, but he isn’t sounding quite like a five star joint at the moment either. It sounds like he isn’t mature enough for such an awesome woman of God yet. The same goes for any guy who doesn’t recognize just how special you are. Whether you feel it or not, you are worth nothing less than the very blood of God Himself and that makes you the most priceless treasure in all of creation. And any guy who doesn’t realize this and treat you like a precious treasure is one who isn’t worth a minute of your time.
I know that guys have said hurtful things to you and about you.
I know you’ve been lied to, cheated on, treated like dirt, and maybe even abused.
I know you’ve had so many disappointments and let downs.
I know that you have loved and given so much more than you could spare to a guy who didn’t care.
I know that guys haven’t appreciated you and your beauty.
I know that these things and these actions make you feel worthless.
But I also know that your worth is dependent on the blood of One Man alone—not any of the others who failed you. He loves you so much, He would go to the greatest lengths just to show you how special you are to Him. And the right man is going to know this as well and he will treat you like the precious jewel you are.
I know that people sometimes hurt us and mess up big time, but it is their loss.
Song of Solomon 2:7 - Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Song of Solomon 3:5 - Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Song of Solomon 8:4 -Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.
Solomon, the man known for his wisdom, said it himself ladies—three times, in fact. Do not rush this whole “love” thing. When we push it and search for it in all the wrong places, we always settle and we always end up with heartache. And trust me, the right guy is going to be so worth the wait that you’ll wonder why you ever even wasted your time with anyone else.
Have you ever heard “You always find what you’re looking for once you stop looking for it”? Well, I can promise you it’s true with many things, not just relationships, but it definitely applies there also. So stop looking for the guy and instead seek God with all of your heart. Remember, your longing for love is truly a longing for Him. God is love. So get lost in Him, beautiful Daughters of Jerusalem, and do not awaken the love of another until it’s time.
To my wonderful Christian guys, know what you should be looking for in your lovely lady?
Your lady isn’t a damsel in distress, at least not anymore. I’m sorry, but you’re just going to have to abandon the Knight-in-Shining-Armor complex with your lady. She’s already been saved, and it wasn’t you who saved her. Her Knight rode into Jerusalem on a donkey and her King wore a crown of thorns. Yeah, He’s different, to be sure, but I promise, He got the job done when it came time to do the rescuing. So your lady needs to know that she’s saved and she’s a Princess. She doesn’t need your help in that department.
Your lady isn’t a wilting flower. She’s a solid temple with the Cornerstone of Christ. She’s going to help you, sustain you, stand up for you, shelter you, and respect you like crazy.
Your lady is more than a pretty face (And other body parts. Yes, I know how you think, guys). Her beauty comes from God and she knows it. It’s a beauty that doesn’t fade with time or age or physical scars. She’s confident in her identity and she isn’t going to fish for or ask for compliments (But give them to her anyway, to let her know those awesome things about her are appreciated).
Your lady doesn’t love or depend on you first. That’s right, I said it! Her love is for that awesome King who saved her and you are second to that. But because she loves that Savior first, she has the picture of His perfect love in her mind when she’s looking at you. So she’s going to be able to love you better than any average girl who makes you the center of her world.
Remember! You aren’t her Knight in Shining Armor, but you’ve gotta love her Knight anyway. Because she knows who she is and what she wants, her and her Daddy the King are going to be pretty picky on who she can settle down with. So be brave and don’t settle for anything less than these things in your lady. I promise, she’s worth the wait.